Lust Control - "The Big M" (1992)

But really, you should be ashamed. Very ashamed...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esy2b7qA9U4  

So I was doing some research on terrible Christian music for this blog, and I found a seemingly innocent link to a band called “Lust Control” who were described as Christian thrash punk. My curiosity was piqued, because I can't think of anything less punk rock than doing Christian music. Punk rock is all about going against the system, and questioning authority after all. I should know how punk works by now, I listen to way too much Bad Religion. No Control may be better than Lust Control, but it'll never be nearly as funny!

So of course, I had to listen to this track. What does Christian punk sound like? Why does it exist? Who invented liquid soap and why? As it turns out, these questions were about to be answered.

The song is called “The Big M” which as it turns out isn't one of the members' prison names. No as it turns out, there here to give you a heartfelt message on the evils of masturbating. You fiend!

Oh, lord, I'm really in for a really great review! This is the kind of awful dreams are made of!

Well, let's start with the band themselves. The band were formed by an editor of a Christian music magazine, a pastor, and two members of another bad Christian punk band called One Bad Pig. And in case you were wondering, yes, the lyrics do reflect a line up that criminally lame. Lust Control are like the equivalent of your parents trying to be cool, and failing in spectacular fashion. It's like a bunch of out of touch 40 year olds got together in a board room, tried to figure out "what the kids are into these days," and came up with a really half-assed version of punk rock. The only thing that could have made this funnier would be Christian hair metal, which apparently also exists: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stryper

The band don't ever show their faces, presumably because they don't want their mugs associated with this song. Instead, they wear ski masks, looking like bank robbers. And this is right around the point where I start asking questions: did they want to go with Kiss-style full makeup, but decided a bunch of cut up ski masks would look less threatening? Lust Control are kind of like Insane Clown Posse because both have lyrics too ridiculous for me to take seriously, and both have comically awful get-ups as their gimmicks.

This looks like a nice, wholesome band...

The funniest thing about this song is how ham-fisted the message is. Punk isn't often subtle about the message, but that doesn't mean lyrics can't still be clever. By contrast, the chorus to this song is the phrase “Masturbation is artificial sex” repeated three times. If they're just going to slap me in the face with the meaning of this song like a soggy fish, why not just call it "Masturbation is Artificial Sex" instead? There's no point in beating around the bush about what your song means, so why even bother? Ordinarily, I would say that they should be more creative about how they write the lyrics, but when you're making a song about how beating off is terrible, where can you really go from there? Your song has all the inherent subtlety of a goddamn freight train!

The verses are no less subtle, and just as on-the-nose. The song begins with “It's natural/ It's a release” repeated a few times before just repeating “it's a release” a few times before just jumping into “A release from what? Your sexual appetite?/ Forget it, get real!/ It's artificial sex!” Then it repeats “Masturbation is artificial sex” like it was the most brilliant thing ever put on tape. It's enough for you to start laughing uncontrollably. And these are hardly the only so-bad-it's-good lyrics in this song...

The way some of the lines are written just leave me with more questions than answers. You do get what they're going for, but it just comes out wrong. For instance, one of the pre-chorus lyrics reads:

“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord/Your body is for the Lord”

I'm... supposed to have sex with the Lord? Boy, the church must've changed a lot! I feel like I'm listening to a Faith +1 song here.

I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus!

The biggest problem with this song is of course that the teenaged boys it was probably aimed at will listen to this message and stop pleasuring themselves, which they most likely won't. Lust Control deal with an already awkward subject with all the finesse of your High School Sex Ed class; and just like your Sex Ed class, it leads to some really uncomfortable moments. Moreover, you're really expecting teenagers, a group who are known to disregard the rules and question authority, to toe the line? To use Lust Control's own words, "forget it, get real!"

 

Outro:

Ultimately, this song is a failure. A really funny failure. It tackles an uncomfortable subject in a very inept way, the message is ham-fisted, and the lyrics sound like they were written by your born-again Christian mother. However, if you're in need of a good laugh, I can't recommend this god awful track nearly enough!

Nickelback: Silver Side Up (2001)

Nickelback: Silver Side Up (2001):

"You know all those bands that try to rip off Pearl Jam? Imagine a band trying to rip off them. That's Nickelback." 
     -- random redditor

After listening to this downer of a Nickelback album,
 I want to cry too!

Oh, lord, this is where the downward spiral really begins! Well, not the Nine Inch Nails' album The Downward Spiral. That would've been preferable.

"Downward Spiral" could also describe 
everything after The State

I know I'm probably the target audience for this album, I'm a big grunge fan; I listen to guys like Nirvana, Soundgarden, and Mudhoney all the time. If anyone were going to like this album, it'd be me. But grunge had a lot of diversity in compositions. Nevermind had Teen Spirit, but also Polly. Soundgarden's album Badmotorfinger had a ton of shifts from Jesus Christ Pose to New Damage to Face Pollution.

The problem with Nickelback is that the song structures are all the same, and the guitar instrumentation is all heavy strumming. Even other post-grunge bands like Hoobastank tried to infuse their music with more diverse compositions.

This album is also continuing with the heavy metal genre too. In my opinion, metal is supposed to sound like you're kicking ass. Badmotorfinger or Rage Against the Machine would fit this beautifully. These albums and bands work because they're not focused solely on being dark. Silver Side Up is not that. This album is this oppressive, dark monstrosity that isn't much fun to listen to. Every moment I listened to it, I felt my mood drop-- and it wasn't just from listening to Nickelback. I almost feel dirty listening to this.

A lot of fans pointed to this album as the point when Nickelback sold out. And I think a lot of the reason is that songwriting was done different here. After The State was released in 1999, Kroger began extensively analyzing pop songs to figure out why they worked. Anything from lyrics to subject matter to instrumentation were analyzed exhaustively. The problem was that all the songs on the album are written and constructed similarly, which compounds their “same sound” problem they already had on the other albums. So the songs are kind of sterile and same-y as a result.

Sometimes, I think a Nickelback bingo game would make for an excellent addition to listening to any of their albums. After all, a lot of the same issues crop up in their work. And hey, if it makes listening to Nickelback more bearable, I'll do it!

The free space is "the same song ten times"

The over production is really starting to become apparent to me, too. Curb was nice because they didn't have the money to over-polish it, but now they compress all the crunch and punch out of the mix. However, I'm sure at least some of the muddiness I hear is due to the fact that I listened to a YouTube rip instead of a CD.

  

Track 1: Never Again

The instrumentation is kind of boring, though just like most Nickelback songs you certainly pay more attention to the lyrics. Kroeger had began to make an effort to write stories with his songs instead (I'm looking at you, Photograph!), and this is no doubt his attempt to do so.

The subject matter for this story is domestic abuse. Great way to cheer us up, Nickelback! I've always wanted to hear a story about... what?! Not that domestic abuse isn't important stuff, but as an album opener? Yikes!

Track 2: How You Remind Me

One of the big radio singles, I remember this being all over the place back when I started listening to radio in 2004. I also remember Green Day's American Idiot being all over the place too... I wish I could listen to that one instead! But I digress; even though I'm sure it's terrible, it holds a lot of nostalgic value to me.

Of course, that doesn't mean I can't still criticize it for being a little nondescript. Kroeger was just writing a song to tell a story, but the details are vague enough that I question whether the events of the song really happened. As an aside, Kroeger's Canadian accent on the word “Sorry,” is the only way he can rhyme it with “story”

Track 3: Woke Up This Morning

Kind of a slog, I'm really understanding why people say that all Nickelback songs sound the same. I didn't used to understand this criticism but I'm becoming all too aware. Even the solo is pretty weak.

Lyrics are about Kroeger being in love with a woman, and read

"Now I know why, I hide my love from you some days"

Considering that you were willing to tear a man's eyes out on “Just Four” because some guy looked funny at a girl, I think you're making the right choices, Kroeger. Maybe it's progress!

Track 4: Too Bad

Another slog of a song. It's too bad I have to listen to this!

According to Wikipedia, the song is about Kroeger's father abandoning him at age two. It seems to be about as cheerful a subject as the first track about domestic abuse. And you wonder why I feel my mood drop when I listen to Nickelback!

Track 5: Just For

I wish they would have kept the fast pace of the intro guitars, a fast song would have sounded good on this record. But it's becoming apparent that Nickelback only have one mode, and it's mid-tempo heavy strumming.

If you're getting deja vu with this track title, that's because this song was also on the debut. Normally bands do this to show how far they've progressed, but I can honestly say that it didn't get any better, nor did Kroger become any less of a Creepy Denny's Stalker. This song almost manages to make me feel worse than I did listening to it last time, which is an achievement of sorts. I still need therapy after looking at those lyrics from last time, so lets move on!

Track 6: Hollywood

This must've been after Kroger tried analyzing pop songs, because everything is sounding the same. The synthetic-sounding robo voice is a weird touch to put into an alt-metal album, metal's supposed to be kind of raw. A reverse-echo effect on the vocals would have been fine here. It just seems over produced for a metal album. I'm beginning to think I should have reviewed Limp Bizkit; at least they're a more animated level of bad!

Track 7: Money Bought

More Pixies-style dynamics. The verses are quiet, and the chorus lays on the guitars really loud. The guitar tone here is kind of static-y while the guitars are mixed to the point of drowning some of the backing instruments out.

The lyrics are about a rich girl whose companions and friends come just from her parents' money. Then the chorus is about how terrible it is that she only has her money for her friends. Rich people problems? And just based on a surface reading of the lyrics, this girl also hangs out in bars to pick up on men. It's kind of unique for a Nickelback song because Kroeger isn't much of a creep here-- mainly because he's not the one hitting on her. I guess all the other guys hitting on her makes up for Kroeger's surprising lack of creepy?

Why did I spend so much time analyzing this song? There nothing of value here... I wish my money bought me a way to forget this song!

Track 8: Where Do I Hide

I have to say, this album seems to be doing the same thing over and over: It's roughly the same tempo, the same heavy guitars, the same everything on repeat over and over. You know, I just have to ask... is Nickelback one of the circles of Hell?

Track 9: Hangnail

This album blurs together so much that it's tough to tell where one track ends and another begins. I didn't even realize a new track began until I looked at the YouTube player. The best albums make every song sound different from one another, but by having every song sound like sonic deja vu, it kills any desire for me to listen to it again.

The opening is at least a little promising, but Nickelback squander it with more heavy strumming. And I can't think of anything less inherently "metal" than a goddamn hangnail!

Track 10: Good Times Gone

The good times went when I decided it would be funny to listen to a terrible album. I am currently questioning my rationale for actually listening to Nickelback...

The song itself is kind of bluesy and twangy, so it at least feels different than the rest of the album. Once again, the best part of any Nickelback listening experience is the end-- because then you're not listening to Nickelback.

Outro...

To conclude, Nickelback are sacrificing originality to make hits. Analyzing and understanding pop music is fine, but doing it to the extent they did makes it feel like I'm listening to small variations of the same few songs. I may really need that bingo board!

If you'll excuse me, I have to go listen to a Bad Religion album to keep sane! I'll see you next time when I review more Nickelback.... God help me!

Nickelback: The State (1999)

I guess it's time I finally do another Nickelback review...

The mix is more polished than last time, you can really start to hear the band become the radio polished version we know and love today. Although this album is better than Curb in some ways, the limitations of Chad Kroger's voice are becoming apparent; I'm sure he's trying to hit those high notes and push himself, but he can't really do it. On the last album, Kroger sang it raspier and scratchier, possibly trying to imitate Kurt Cobain (which quite a few post-grunge guys tried to do with varying success). It's apparent his voice isn't on the level of Kurt.

The album is fairly solid, but one criticism I can make is that none of the tracks stand out to me. After listening to this album, I can't think of any particularly interesting moments where I think “This was an interesting track” or “I wonder how they played this section”. This thing just starts and ends without leaving an impression on me. That's what makes this whole album hard for me to critique; it's so perfectly boring that criticism is hard to come by. I feel like one of the Neutral aliens from Futurama: after listening to this album, I have no strong feelings toward it one way or the other.

Prepare for an exhilarating night of neutrality--
or not!

 

Still, I guess if someone held me at gunpoint and told me that I had to listen to one Nickelback album, this is the one I'd wind up choosing. And then I'd wonder why I'm getting held at gunpoint to listen to albums. That's an issue for another day...

Track 1: Breathe

The guitars have less of that 90s noise/fuzz than the debut. The track begins with a brief talkbox riff before kicking into the main riff. Maybe it's just me, but I don't really like the talkbox guitar sound in this song. For this song, it's just not impressive to me on a technical level. And to be fair, I've heard people make their guitars "talk" with these devices (which I DO find to be extra cool), so it's not just me ripping on talkboxes.

Track 2: Cowboy Hat

Has an acoustic intro, which alleviates some of my concerns about the last album having a bad case of same sound. There's a break where the acoustic guitar is reincorporated, which is nice.

Track 3: Leader of Men

Also starts out with an acoustic and an electric guitar with some sort of phaser/chorus pedal before it kicks into the guitar riff. This track is also fine.

Track 4: Old Enough

Starts with some nice guitar fuzz before the drums kick in and it turns into a standard rock song. The lyrics are about a girl, but don't seem to be doing that creepy Denny Stalker thing again.

Track 5: Worthy to Say

For a second, I thought it was a interstitial track, but then the lyrics started. An interstitial would've broken up the album, and thus would be a welcome change.

The track opens up with some hollow-sounding drums (like the drums in Led Zeppelin's “When the Levee Breaks”) before Kroger's vocals kick in. It then launches into a standard rock song by the chorus.

Subject wise, seems to be about Kroger finding a place to do drugs in a back alley, and the sketchy people who hang around those kinds of spots. Sometimes they got caught by the cops, sometimes not. I don't know whether Kroger actually did drugs, or if he's trying to form a bad boy image to compliment his rock star persona.

Track 6: Diggin' This

Not very exciting to listen to. I don't think there's a lot interesting happening musically here, the riff is pretty monotonous, it's only two notes. 

I guess you could say I'm not diggin' this!

Okay, that was terrible. Kind of like...

 

Track 7: Deep

It's not very interesting here either. Again, I don't think there's much going on here...

Track 8: One Last Run

This does sound promising. The build has a lot of energy, and it's something different from the other two tracks which were kind of tough to get through. It at least sounds happier than the rest of the album, which might be why it stuck out to me. And by stick out, I mean that it stuck out as much as an off-white paint splotch on a white wall. Apart from the tone shift, I don't think I'd say “Wow, I'd love to listen to Track 8 again!” It only sticks out in the context of the album being so same-y.

Track 9: Not Leavin' Yet

Has an interesting opening riff. One of the better tracks I've heard, though I wish the tempos were more dynamic on this album in general. Some of Kroger's screams sound good here, it'd be nice to hear him do this more and let loose. The band sound really constrained a lot of times.

On the other hand, the decision to invoke so much Christian imagery of Jesus is an odd decision. It comes across as melodramatic, but not in a good way. The first two lines in this are “Come lie next to me Jesus Christ/ Holes in hand where a cross used to fit just right”.

What seems to be challenging me here is what this is a metaphor for. There's a woman mentioned in the last stanza, but there's more focus on the Jesus imagery, so it's a little difficult to ascertain what that metaphor is. In this song, Kroger is Jesus, and the woman is...? I don't think it's actually a song about Christianity outright though... that's what Creed is for!

Track 10: Hold Out Your Hand

The opening is very metal (by Nickelback's standards), but otherwise it doesn't leave a strong impression on me. The verses are a chugging guitar before the “loud” piece happens, and the guitars fill out the rest of the song by the chorus. The only thing of note here is the solo/break here that is trying for an eastern flavor.

Track 11: Leader of Men (Acoustic)

Started off with an acoustic guitar coupled with a phaser/ chorus pedal. This is an acoustic redux of “Leader of Men” but the song never made an impression on me the first time around, so I didn't realize that until I looked at the track titles.

This is a pretty good way to close an album. By the end, you want to wrap up the album by slowing it down a bit, and acoustic songs are a good way of doing this.

I think the saddest part of doing this review was upon realizing I had lost track of how long I was listening to Nickelback. Please leave the music masochism to the professionals, nobody should have to come to this sad realization!

Tune in next time when I review Silver Side Up. God help me!